It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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