I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
