I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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