my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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