I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
