ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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