the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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