and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize