Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
