Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
