Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
