Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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