I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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