I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize