Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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