Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
