I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
