Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
