So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
