Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize