My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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