thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
