I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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