Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
