Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
