just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
