i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
