Welp...herpes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
