First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
