exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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