Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
