I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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