420 ftw
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
