I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
