I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
