Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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