Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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