ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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