I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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