someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
