I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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