I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
