my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
