I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
