I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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