Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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