So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
