Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
