You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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