i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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