you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Alive.
So much puke
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
