my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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