Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
