My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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