I showed him my bush... on skype.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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