im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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