So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
