No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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