I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
