mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
