This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
false alarm. still invincible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
