This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
