I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
