Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think my cat just said my name.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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