I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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