This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
