butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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