dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The air was thick with penises
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
