my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
