I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
