All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
