im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
