if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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