After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
