he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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