Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I cut my penus on the lid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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